NOTHING SCARES ME!
Now that’s quite a statement to make and is not something I’m proud of saying. We should all be afraid of something even if it’s a spider or death, we should all surely fear death! But I don’t, and haven’t for 25 years, and in those 25 years that lack of fear has got me into some quite difficult situation. I wasn’t ‘afraid’ of those situations, just put out.To understand why I have no fear you have to understand a few things..
Number 1. I’m Buddhist, which in itself should be my shield against fear. If I die I will simply be reborn. But I don’t want to be reborn! This eternal process of death and rebirth is what a few of us ‘people’ are wanting to avoid. I’ve met some of those extraordinary people in my life and they, like me don’t appear to be afraid. They are indeed tasked and ‘put out’ by events but they appear to have no fear. After all if they have to be reborn, well it’s just another delay, but another chance to reach that magical state of Nirvana. So that briefly explains the why of number 1.
Number 2. This is what affected me more than close friends and family realise, and it would take a book to explain in detail. Maybe one day along with all of the dozens that I should write.
It all started 25 years ago when I was 40. My girlfriend at the time had been abducted to a small town in Pakistan. Now the place itself whilst poor and in some parts dangerous, was a happy place where most people greeted you with a smile (smiling’s important remember that). I had gone there completely alone to find my 21 years old girlfriend but despite throwing myself (against all advice and threats) into the lion’s den I failed. That failure will remain with me for the rest of my life, as it was because of me that ‘R’ was taken there (I was too trusting).
Multan in the Punjab (where I ended up) was close to where they found and executed Osama Bin Laden. I spent 2 weeks there but they were the most upsetting 2 weeks of this life. I came back broken. Not just physically but spiritually broken.
It’s taken years to build back that strength in spirit but I managed it. Physically however, I’m a long way off and may never finish that journey. I hope that one day I can leave that sadness behind me, hope is all I have left.
Number 3. I have met some very good people in my life but I’ve also met some very bad people, sometimes, as I said recently it’s hard trying to sort out the wheat from the chaff. I live (for now) in Gozo (Malta). Gozo is renowned for being a spiritual and healing island. I didn’t know that when I came but I’ve learned it since. As with many places it’s populated with good and bad people. But I’ve never experienced the extremes of both, as much as I have here in Gozo. Gozo is a magnet to people looking for the energy the island gives off, unfortunately that ‘magnet’ attracts the good the bad and the (for want of a better word) the evil. I know some of both types, some I’ve confronted and to a lesser degree exposed in my recent posts.
But like any journey like this, it takes time and ‘money’. Right now I have very little of either but hey ho! If that’s the worst that can happen that someone may kill me! So what!
NOW RIGHT NOW, I’m on a path of helping others, I have always tried to do that even from being a small child, and I find that more rewarding than, haha ‘all the tea in China’. I have some challenges ahead of me starting tomorrow, but even though I’d like to feel fear I can’t and THAT is my burden that I will carry until I die. Peace and Love… Namaste..
John Paul Chalkley..the storyteller.