Becoming a Buddha Part 2

So the journey continues and whilst I continue to learn ‘mostly’ alone I can refer to many online resources such as Essence of Buddhism which has just won an award for its contribution to understanding Buddhism. I’ve found I can ‘fast track’ my learning online and at my age I need to fast track. But nothing compares to the personal teachings of a wise teacher a ‘Guru’. My own teacher is Prabhu DarmaYasa. He continues to surprise and sometimes I think he ‘tests me’. However, it’s all done in a friendly, humorous way, and I can smile when I feel it’s happening.

Just recently Prabhu (DarmaYasa) has taken to posting his teachings on Facebook, in the early hours of the morning. The language is Indonesian and I feel obliged to translate into English, so that English speakers who don’t have time to kill can understand the importance of these messages. The added bonus however is that I get to read these ‘Spiritual Pearls’ before most people here have even woken up. The downside of course is that I don’t get much sleep, something that my old doctor (Dr. L) my Nemesis ha ha.. say’s I need. The thing is this awareness seems to have lifted not only my spirit but my energy. So it’s a win-win which I used to teach my team was important in my previous Commercial life.

I’m also fortunate in being a volunteer at the Lotus-Tal-Qalb where there are similar people to me, mostly Brits, (but not quite as crazy), we discus some of the questions and issues we have with each other in our regular Monday talks. Talking helps. If we talked more there would be less trouble in our world.

If you were to ask The Buddha if this style of ‘fast tracking’ was OK I think he’d say “sure that’s what all my teachings are about”. So I continue on happy and blissfully unaware if I’m offending anyone along the way. I hope not…

I’ll take my own journey in my own way, each of us should decide the best way for ourselves. We’re all faced with different responsibilities, whether it’s looking after our family or a commitment to a cause. Fortunately I have the luxury of knowing (as best I can) that my family are fine and I can look after my commitments to any good causes that I’m attached to. So I can focus on ME and finding that Nirvana (that I know is there).

I think that’s enough for today, the cock is crowing in the background, his job is supposed to be about waking people up. I hope his helps bring a wake-up call to everyone who reads my blog.

Peace and Love and all the best as Prabhu would say.

GEORGE CARLIN

Well I was checking out YouTube and ended up watching some of George Carlin’s stuff.. That was a good performance in itself.

George Carlin was much more than an ordinary comedian more a teacher or social commentator. He uses bad language to good effect, he entertains and teaches at the same time. Enough from me check out some of his stuff:-

SO OK THAT’S IT FOR TONIGHT..I’M OFF TO DRAW UP MY LIST OF PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE KILLED..STARTING WITH Hmmmmm. PEACE, LOVE & THAT OTHER STUFF.

STANDING STRONG

Today, I wanted to talk about what is probably Gozo’s most impressive (but not oldest) structure the cittadella. I now have family reading the blog so I’ll tone down the innuendo and double entendre (ha as if! sorry big sis). You can see the Cittadella from most parts of the island and when you stand on one of the highest points, which I did today (take your oxygen supply with ya) you can see the Med to the West and the East. It’s currently going through large-scale renovation and access is hampered as you will see, but certainly possible.

Citadella,_Victoria_(Gozo) — Rabat’s Cittadella a massive structure

The cittadella or citadel as some would call it, has stood strong since the early 15th century, but there was a bronze age site there before the citadel was built, which was improved on by the Phoenicians and the Romans. The Ottomans raided the Cittadella in 1551 and captured virtually the whole population of Gozo, selling hem into slavery leaving just a few hundred behind. If the Crazy Brit had been there, and who’s to say he wasn’t (‘cos I do have my Tardis) I’d have given those scallywags what for.

Eventually, in poor condition, limping (sorry I’ve a sore foot) and exhausted (COPD) it was worth the climb (If only I had a new body) the view was outstanding and there were many old parts of the construction left as it was back 100s of years ago and lots of exhibits. A good thing for all you foodies is that there’s an excellent restaurant when you get up there. I refuse to give the name as none of the others I’ve mentioned have offered me a complimentary yet so be warned all you restaurateur’s if you don’t feed CB you won’t get a plug (hey I’m a starving writer I need some reward)

But I digress I mentioned some of the exhibits and one in particular I gave a wide berth was the old prison. Somewhere in a past life I think I’ve had a sample of being in the stocks, it’s no fun having rotten apples thrown at you and I still get that today as I walk down the street in my little village of (look there’s no chance of telling you unless you give me some money and then I’ll tell you its name).

I’m off for a quick Cisk, the local beer, it’s very good, then I’ll stagger down past lots of other interesting stuff into my car. Yes I know sister, no drinking and driving, (crap why do all these women keep telling me what to do), I’m 65 years old. OK I admit I’m just a little crazy, I’m in a world of my own in my little village of €s please, I also take £s or even $s so there’s no excuse if you really want to know the name of my village. But I’ve gotta tell ya if you haven’t worked that out by now I’m beginning to wonder who the crazy one is round here. I’ll tell you what I’ll let the cat out of the bag in my next post. Hmm that could turn out to be a VERY revealing post…stay tuned.

The Crazy Brit good-bye for now PEACE!

SMILE

I’ve had what some would call a frustrating day today, but I have to smile at what’s gone on and the way the system (and I use that word in the broadest sense), how the system works. Actually I still haven’t clearly worked it out. They call me CRAZY, well I’ve learnt to keep smiling and with some of the experiences I’ve gone through today may help some of you to avoid the pitfalls.

OK so here we go, I arrive in Gozo and am given the keys to my apartment. Joe my landlord has been great and is always looking for ways to improve things and help me with anything I need. I have to say, this isn’t the typical experience that people find, but he’s a bit crazy (like you know who). So I’ve absolutely no complaints on the number 1 thing you have to do when you arrive, GET SOMEWHERE TO LIVE! My village (I’m still not saying where it is) is perfect for what I need, but I think I’ve covered that in my previous posts. But the second thing I felt was important was to make sure I had access to medical care if it was needed. I arrived with my E.H.I.C (European Health Insurance Card) they’re given to you for free provided your country is a member of the EU, so if you take ill while away then you’ll be treated there, and the bill is sent to (in my case) the British N.H.S.

It’s a reciprocal arrangement for all EU countries, so whenever you go on holiday to an E.U country, and if your home country is in the EU always make sure you have your little blue card. Consequently I go to the very excellent hospital in Rabat and walk to the accounting department and hand them the S1 form I was sent from H.M.G in the UK. This is to arrange for me to qualify for Maltese health care. The “little blue card” isn’t any use once you’re a resident here, although I’m sure if you needed treatment they’d use it. So the lady in the office takes the S1 form which the UK government sent to my new address in (Ah you nearly caught me there). They do that to make sure you are a resident, if it was done any other way I guess that would open the “system” to fraud.

Now the next thing I need is to open a bank account “easy peasy in any other country”, but not here, at one stage I complained to the bank and said “perhaps I should find someone else willing to take MY money”. OK I know I don’t have a lot but that’s never stopped anyone wanting what I’ve got anyway (no names mentioned). Without access to your money you can’t buy “stuff” or pay rent, so having access to money is, I would say quite important. However you can’t open a bank account unless you’re a resident. HELLO! So wait for it, to obtain residency you have to show you are living here permanently, and show copies of bank statements. Are you still with me? I’m not sure I am.

Now I’ve been with HSBC since before they came to the UK, and they suggested I became a Premier customer years ago, I didn’t need to do anything but my “personal banker” Jill, arranged an account in the US for me, and I had very little to do to get it. I wasn’t exactly loaded but was getting money from different sources in the UK and the US. I’ve gotta say I’ve been a Premier customer for several years and it’s a great program with lots of benefits and it costs NOTHING (just click the link and see). So Michael at the bank, after a rough start (me going just a bit crazy with him-sorry Michael) gets stuck in and starts really helping to ease the process for me and removes a LOT of the unnecessary red tape. But the final thing he needed was me to prove I had been accepted as a resident. “Go to the Ministry” he says, “and get the paperwork going they will give you a temporary document which we can use to prove you are a resident”

The Citadella Rabat

So I get up very early this morning and drive into Rabat/Victoria (I prefer Rabat as that’s what the Gozitan’s call it and it was us Brits that forced them to change the name to honour Queen Victoria) and that’s just not cricket old chap. Anyway I’m there by 7-15 am they open at 8 am but it was a lovely day so I sat in the courtyard and watched the staff arriving for work. A nice young lady opened up the door smiled and said, we don’t open ‘til 8, Oh I know I’m fine here in the sunshine (yes all you people in the cold and rain, eat your heart out).

So it’s now 8 am, she says you can come in now, she promptly goes and takes a selection of forms staples them together and asks me to bring them back when they’re completed, along with all of the other things I need to prove “economic self-sufficiency” Now I’m no lawyer and I don’t agree with age or sex discrimination, in fact I fought a case in the US against one of the US’s biggest retailers for just this type of discrimination (and this will be the subject of another blog), but this young lady who was smiling throughout the whole process clearly expected me to go away and I was n’t sure what her problem was (surely not me I’m just an innocent Crazy Brit).

Now No.1 I may be wrong here, but I though one of the things about being in the EU was the ability to settle in whatever member state you wanted.

No.2 I’ve looked, but the forms I have don’t appear to be referenced, so they can’t be seen on the internet and is that kosher?.

No.3 despite my inane ability to keep smiling I was starting to lose it, but hey ho, it’s a lovely day so what.

Enjoying the sunshine not aware of the battle to come

I told her I’d like to complete them in the office, she was clearly upset and hovered over me as I started to fill out the forms. Before I could go much further she asked if I had the form given to me by the UK government the S1 form (don’t anyone forget to get that, it’s most important) well no I said, I’ve given that to the hospital and they never gave me a copy. Do you also have the last 6 months of bank statements? She said. Holly crap I’m tottering on the verge now, well it’s like this I say, my bank accounts are in the US and the UK and as yet I don’t have one here. So give me copies of those she says. (This is not going well). “I’ll tell you what” I say smiling ” I’ll go back to the hospital and ask them for a copy of the S1”, we prefer the original she replied, Oh.. OK I’ll ask for the originals, I’m sure they won’t mind giving me those now they’ve seen them. (Famous last words).

At this point I’m taking a break, I have a doctor’s appointment in 15 minutes (no not for high blood pressure) but thank god for that little blue card, see you later.

Ciao, well that didn’t take long and how well it went. The service the doctor gave me here was in a different league to what you’d get in the UK or in the US. I have to say I wasn’t surprised as Malta ranks 5^th in the World Health Organisation table of Countries. But consider this, I called in at the pharmacy Ta’Pinu and the pharmacist Marica rang the doctor for me and arranged the appointment at the pharmacy with just 2 hours’ notice. Now that is unheard of anywhere in the world and just goes to show how importantly the Maltese regard their health care. And the doctor (I’m not sure I can tell you her name –ethics?) knew what she was talking about, and appeared far more knowledgeable than the average doc. The U.K and U.S by the way are way down the league table in ranking. Anyway, surprisingly my blood pressure was normal and the issue I have (numbness in the hand) is due to me leaning on my arm while I’m writing these blogs (crap I’m doing it now). So I can now issue a health warning not just for reading but for writing these darn things.

Back to those famous last words

“I’ll go back to the hospital and ask them for a copy”, we prefer the original, Oh OK I’ll ask for the originals I’m sure they won’t mind giving me those now they’ve seen them”.

I drive to the hospital, the hospital here is excellent and the staff are very attentive, however when I popped my head into the administration office things went downhill quickly, but its not the ladies fault so I keep smiling. My S1 form had been sent off to Malta and they don’t keep any copies so I’ll have to wait for about a week for it to make its way to me. But what happens if it gets lost in their “system” well I have absolutely no idea! So after trying very hard to persuade the lady to help me out and even my erratic behaviour and sob story didn’t work, I thanked her for her help (do that whatever the case) and I then made my way back to the Ministry. Maybe they would take pity on me. No chance.

Oh!”Dearie me” I said smiling like a Cheshire cat. Thank you for your help I guess I’ll just have to wait and see what happens. But if you see me begging on the street corner because I’ve no money remember me, I said to her. Dead silence, no response apart from that “sweet” smile again. Well at least this helps me demonstrate to you how important it is to keep as many documents as possible and bring them with you. Now I thought I was being clever when I set out for Gozo I scanned everything into my external Seagate hard drive and guess what, it stopped working! After long periods of live online chat this was the final message

“Dear John: Thank you for contacting Seagate Support. Based on your replay, you have a defective. Unfortunately, the drive is out of warranty and cannot be replaced. If you are interested in recovering the data via Seagate, please contact our fee based Data Recovery Services by visiting the link below:http://www.seagate.com/services-software/data-recovery-services/consumers/in-lab-data-recovery/ Alternatively, you could remove the drive from the external enclosure and connect it into a compatible third party enclosure. However, note that if you are not very careful, you may damage the platters, thereby making it difficult for even data recovery experts to recover the files. For additional assistance, feel free to contact us at:http://www.seagate.com/gb/en/about/contact-us/technical-support/ Regards, Leslie Seagate Support ref: _00D00hhzl._5003Aeau8r: ref”

I’m dumbfounded! I need to go and lay down in a dark room, close my eyes and just relax, I should really go to the Lotus-Tal-Qalb to chill out, but I’m there tomorrow for another massage, I need to de-stress and Nico is just the person to help, besides now I have a physical issue with my hand so I convince myself I can afford it .

Now you would think at this stage nothing else could happen to frustrate me aha. I didn’t mention that just before I came to Gozo I bought a new cell phone, I sat on it and the screen cracked. I ordered a new screen from eBay, not a lot of money but expensive for carriage, and I have to wait awhile for delivery. But I’ve been ordering a lot online recently, to get things I couldn’t find on Gozo, a landline phone for example. So I mentioned this to someone and they suggested I went to Sound and Vision. Sound and Vision continued the trend for the way Gozo retailers display themselves (very low key). I go inside it looked quite small on the outside, but when you go inside you find the place is massive, it’s like walking into my Tardis, small on the outside, but big and well stocked on the inside. I explain my predicament to Jason the owner and he’s happy to wait for the screen I bought on eBay to be delivered and see if he can fit it for me. Big relief thank you, so what’s frustrating about that. Sound and Vision have a large display of phones and they’re the same as the one I bought on eBay. They’re cheaper and I can have one right now. Crap I’m throwing good money away here, so I buy a cheap non-electrical phone so when I have a power cut (with my luck it will happen) I can still use the phone. Everything you need right here on Gozo, it’s just that you have to search to find it. I think I’ll have to give up blogging and maybe offer my marketing services to the local retailers (there was a time I was OK at that).

So remember, Gozo residency can take some time to process (no longer than other countries though) it’s something of a mine field getting through the process. Don’t lose your temper with anyone, they’re just telling you what they’ve been told (it’s just a pity that they’re all told different things). But this is part of the charm of Gozo, at least you interact with humans instead of talking to a machine. So if you haven’t yet moved here, and are thinking about it, COME, its wonderful, but prepare as much as you can, and bring all the relevant documents. Forget the clothes and all the other crap I brought, and remember when out shopping that the shop on the inside is way different than the look of it on the outside. But isn’t that nice (not seeing all those advertising banners) and what have you, it all looks so “un-commercialized” just like going back in time.

I’m in that Tardis again.

addiju sakemm il-ħin li jmiss (goodbye until the next time)

John Paul Chalkley aka The Crazy Brit

WELCOME TO THE CRAZY BRIT BLOG

Featured

Hi there, before we go an further I want to say it’s not me who thinks I’m crazy it’s other people. I hope and believe that’s not bad crazy, its just that I may say some crazy things, so don’t be offended. I’ve been writing blogs for a few years now, but really just for my own amusement, and to get stuff off my chest. Only yesterday I went to group meditation and our teacher agreed with me that writing helped to clear my mind and be ready to meditate. So whilst I’ve accused myself of rambling in the past, it’s been for a good reason “MY PEACE”. First of all before we start on this journey I think it would be good to know a little about your companion, (that’s me):

: The Crazy Brit (OK the pictures a bit old, but I still have that shirt)

: And this is my only tattoo (naughty but nice)

I describe myself as a “Christian Buddhist” on Facebook (haven’t we all got Facebook nowadays). Saying this is a religion is in itself a misnomer ‘cos I don’t accept Buddhism is a religion, and I think even “The Buddha” would agree (but we can discuss that later).

I was born a Christian, so it gets a little complicated and is too long a story as to how I found Buddhism. So today is by means of my introduction and will become my one and only blog (sighs of relief). Here I will re-post not only past blogs, (that I consider worthwhile), but all of my future posts. So enjoy and smile (do you know it takes fewer muscles to smile than frown). If you don’t enjoy reading these then just stop. All I would ask from you, in return for me “opening my soul” is for you tell me what YOU think because it’s only with your comments (good or bad) that I know what everyone wants. So please fill in the comments box below and any special requests you make will be answered, but no candid nude photos of me, sorry ladies, (but there’s no point making a big thing out of a little thing like that).

Today has been a great day, and I continue to learn a lot about this magical island and my village of (No I’m not saying were I live because I don’t want this peaceful village overrun by all you cheapskates). In my previous life working in Texas, the job I had was in Marketing and Public Relations, that’s where I picked up all of the tricks of manipulation and one of the reasons I left, (perhaps I’ll write about that experience in another post). But one of the things I learned was that even though I spent a lot of $s advertising on TV, Cinema, Billboards, Radio, Facebook, Direct mail etc etc. the most effective form of advertising above all else (and with no cost) was and is word of mouth (people talking). Recently I’ve experienced the benefit of talking, apart from the people I’ve been talking to being locals, one of the other bonuses (apart from one or two guys) is that all of the these people have been attractive females, (a big bonus for the Crazy Brit). But wait guys like I said to Marica at Ta’Pinu pharmacy “why is it that all the attractive females here are all accounted for” yep sadly for me they are (I hear sniggers in the background tut tut). Hell I may be crazy, but I’ve still got some fire in my belly! even though it may need kindling. Anyway today I went to see my attractive doctor (yep she’s married), and Marica (who’s engaged) told me about a fab place in Gozo to buy my tea, and what a little gem it was. Vini-e-Capricci is in the Gozitano Agricultural village and it’s packed with wonderful goodies, chocolate, the best teas, coffee, wines and lots of other things, and all in a nice relaxing setting. You’ll see what I mean when you click the link (but please come back here)

What Marica did by telling me about Vini Capricci was not only help a poor crazy Brit, but it helped ‘Abraham Said’ develop his already thriving business (I hope I get a discount from Abraham when I next call in for this plug hint hint). I also realised that I could buy top quality products cheaper than I could anywhere (yep and you guessed it, I’d just placed an order in the UK over the internet for tea). I was so impressed with what they had in tea that I’m considering fulfilling a long held ambition of opening a tea shop. I almost opened a tea shop in Texas called The Crazy Brit (go figure). Over there I’d not only found the location, but I persuaded the mayor of the city (Keller), to do my ribbon cutting. In fact The Crazy Brit tea shop concept is still open on my Facebook, so I may use some of the ideas I came up with there for my tea shop if and when I open one here (if I can be bothered to get from behind my desk and do some real work). Unfortunately my now ex, in Texas has either kept or sold my collection of teapots and she refuses to enter into communication, although maybe if and when she reads this she will “reconsider her position” (name n shame).

But now the name for the Gozo tea shop.

I actually own the domain for TeaZme (no it’s not me launching a porn site, as was suggested in the US) It represents Tea Zen and Me, and is a place where customers can go and have either tea in a formal English tea shop setting, or go into the other room and enjoy the relaxation of herbal teas in a relaxed meditation area.

: my “special” teapot

Fortunately I did manage to bring with me one of the dozens of teapots I used to own, and that is my “special” little Chinese pot, that I only use for my special teas. I’ve plenty of other ideas and plans which I’m not telling anyone as I know with some of you lot someone will pinch ’em.So, just by talking I’ve found out a lot today.

Ray (who describes himself as a grumpy old git), has been messaging me through expat.com, and he gave me some great advice on opening a bank account. I was able to walk straight in and start the process without any problems, (and you’ll see the problems I’ve had when I re-post SMILING) which will be incorporated into this blog, along with all the others, so everyone can keep track, not that I’m expecting anyone to want to, but it helps focus me, (and I do admit I can be a bit random at times).

My Texas location

However, apart from the entertainment factor of my sharp, clever, but crazy wit (such modesty), I hope my posts will help anyone embarking on a new life, just as I have. I haven’t “retired” that sounds like I’ve been put out to grass. So remember, it helps to keep talking, but it also helps to keep reading and smiling. There’s a lot more writing to follow, but I’m sure you can only take so much of my ramblings at any one time. So I’ll say goodbye for now, and hope you’ll “come up and see me sometime” (as Mae West said)….PEACE & Love x

Tag: laughter